My dear, just imagine for a moment that the war is over.

A Selection of Excerpts
Second Year
October 1943

Letter No. 166.

Deba, October 4, 1943

... The fact that you have to stay there isn't exactly pleasant, but let us hope that you get through the war years safely— and above all, that those wretched air raids don't harm you. That is always my greatest worry. ...

Letter No. 167.

Berlin, October 10, 1943

... My dear precious treasure, so here I am—safely arrived. I got here yesterday evening, and tomorrow I’ll see what they have in store for me. I have to report to my boss sometime tomorrow. Then I’ll go straight on the offensive. I’ll do everything I can to get my leave granted very soon.

I’ll write to you right away to let you know how it went. Oh, I hope I’ll be allowed to come to you very soon. Now that I’m back in Germany, my longing for you has grown even stronger. My heart calls out for you day and night. ...

Letter No. 168.

Berlin, October 11, 1943
My dearly beloved H...!

I received a letter from Mother today. I am so glad that nothing happened to you during the last air raid. If only these raids would finally stop.

My dearest H..., unfortunately I have no new news to report today, as I haven't seen the boss. He left early this morning and likely won't be back until tomorrow. Oh well, I suppose I just have to wait a little longer. But as soon as he’s back, I’ll work on him and soften him up so that he’s sure to send me on leave. ...

Oh, my precious darling, today I read such a lovely little poem by Schiller. It goes like this:

How delightful and sweet it is
to feel ourselves glorified in a beautiful soul,
to know that our joy brings a flush to another's cheeks,
that our fear makes another's heart tremble,
that our suffering brings tears to another's eyes.

Isn't that a truly beautiful sentiment? ...

Letter No. 169

Berlin, 12 Oct. 1943
My beloved H...!

I’ve just come from the orderly room. I was able to have a quick word with my boss, and I can at least tell you this much: I’ve already got 75% of the way there.

Tomorrow morning, I have to go to the doctor for an examination so I can submit the results with the application for marriage permission to the regiment. I do still need a few things, though they’ll surely arrive here quickly. I am enclosing a declaration here for you to send via airmail.

Please sign this immediately, have your signature certified by the police, and send it right back to me via airmail. Your father also needs to sign a declaration stating that he consents to our marriage. I’m sending that off to him right away, too.

My dear sweetheart, go ahead and prepare your boss for the fact that I’ll be coming on leave in 8 to 14 days and that I’ll be taking you away with me immediately then.

I can’t tell you exactly when that will be, though; but I am definitely getting the leave. It will be about 5 to 7 days. You see, if I take only 5 days of leave, it won’t be officially recorded, and the leave from June will still count as my last leave. Well, we shall see. Naturally, I’ll take as much as possible, because I want to be with you for as long as I can. ...

Letter No. 170.

Berlin, Oct. 13, 1943
My beloved darling!

After today began so well and beautifully, it has now come to such a terribly sad end. I had everything all set to go on leave early next week. Just this morning, the boss told me I would be getting 10 days of leave.

Unfortunately, however, some damned secret order came through stating that I, too, am to be deployed immediately. Now I have to leave as early as tomorrow. First, I have to report to my old unit, 35330A.

When the boss told me this, I railed against it and was so furious that he nearly punished me. Now I have no hope left of getting any leave in the next six months.

I don't even know what to do. I feel like smashing everything here to bits. It is an outrageous, mean trick. Oh, my precious darling, all that joy was for nothing after all. ...

I can't stand the sight of anyone today. Everything disgusts me; I am in such a foul mood. ...

Letter No. 172.

Wirballen, 15 October 1943
My dearest H...!

I have already crossed the border now and want to quickly write you a few words. Unfortunately, I must ask you not to write to me for the time being, as it is still very uncertain where I will be sent. You can perhaps imagine how I am feeling. ...

Letter No. 173.

The East, October 19, 1943

... I arrived here yesterday evening. ...

I still cannot grasp the fact that I am back in this bleak Russia and won't be able to see you for such a long time. I don't yet know how I am supposed to get through this time.

I won't get over this disappointment so quickly. And now, once again, it is a matter of being patient and waiting. Oh well, that is easily said, but I hope that with God's help I will successfully make it through this period too, and that we may see each other again soon. ...

Unfortunately, I am so tired that my eyes are practically closing. After all, I haven't managed to get any sleep over the last four nights. The trains were so crowded, and it is hardly possible to sleep while sitting or standing anyway. ...

Letter No. 174.

The East, 22 Oct. 1943
My beloved darling!

Please forgive me for only writing to you again today, but unfortunately, I haven't had any time at all since then.

I am now in a company and in charge of a squad. By the time I had taken everything over there, the time had flown by so quickly that I didn't get around to writing at all. I can't write everything down for you right now. I'll catch up on that later. ...

Letter No. 175.

The East, 26 Oct. 1943
My dearest H...!

Today, at last, I have at least a little bit of time for you. We took up a position early this morning, and now I am living in a bunker again. Well, at least the constant moving about has come to an end, and I hope that I will now have a little more time for you. ...

Leave is still being granted here, so I hope that I can be with you at least by March. I really don't know yet how I am supposed to get through this long time without you.

But it will pass eventually, and the war won't last forever either. One day, all this will come to an end, and then we can finally be together—and stay together—forever. ...

Letter No. 176.

The East, Oct. 27, 1943

... I arrived here feeling completely downcast. Things have improved a bit now, though, because there isn't as much time to dwell on gloomy thoughts. There is so much to do here, and my men help take my mind off things, too. After all, I have to look after them—making sure everything is in order and that things run smoothly. You really have to keep your wits about you.

It was only in the evenings, when the mail arrived, that I found it hard. Everyone else was getting letters from their wives or fiancées, and when someone talked about the wonderful times he’d spent during his last leave, I felt like running away.

But now I’m getting mail again from my dearly beloved sweetheart. Oh, it makes such a difference—it’s so much better, and I’m feeling happy again. ...

There is a new regulation stating that one can go on leave again after a minimum of six months. For me, that would mean January. However, one has to count on eight or nine months, since something always tends to get in the way. So, I hope to be back with you by March at the latest. ...

Now let us hope and trust in God, that He will be gracious enough to bring us back together—safe, sound, and happy— for good, and very soon.

My darling, loved above all else and with eternal devotion—I thank you with all my heart for always praying so steadfastly and lovingly for me. I firmly believe that God hears your prayers and that He will grant your wish, too. ...

My beloved H..., I am so glad to hear that you are doing well; the only thing I don't like at all is that your boss won't let you go to church on Sunday mornings. That is none of his business, and if he keeps trying to interfere in your private affairs, I will lodge a complaint with the employment office or the D.A.F. It is a truly outrageous and mean-spirited thing to do, and I won't stand for it from him. ...

My dear darling, do not worry about me; I am fulfilling my duty as required and as is right. I am not volunteering for anything. I have been in Russia too long for that.

I have had so much luck so far, and let us hope that, with God's help, I will continue to be lucky and that I may return to you safe and sound. ...

Letter No. 177.

The East, 28 Oct. 1943

... As long as you are doing well, and above all as long as the aircraft leave you alone, then I am reassured and content. Today we started lining the walls of our bunker and built a nice stove. We are using paper sacks (sandbags) as wallpaper; they are cut open and neatly nailed to the wall.

Otherwise, it is very quiet here. We are stationed at a spot where the Russians are nearly 4 kilometers away. In between lies an impassable area of ​​moor and swamp. ...

Letter No. 178.

The East, 30 Oct. 1943
My beloved H...!

It is Saturday again today, and October is just about over, too. Oh, if only I knew how many more months must pass before we can finally see each other again.

Thank God, there are plenty of leave slots here. Six men left this week, and seven are leaving next week. So, one can count on one man going per day. If things keep going like this, my turn would come in about 90 days.

But let’s wait and see for now; once another four weeks have passed, the outlook will be clearer. Hopefully, nothing will get in the way by then, though...